-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Who Would Of Thought Ne?
listening to: Random noises from the tv
drinking: Nada
watching: Retarded Nickelodeon crap
thinking: Who would of thought this would end up happening...
Yeah I dunnoes..I just need to get crap out of my head and since I have no one else to really talk to, I might as well pour them in here.
Me and Sam kinda broke up on Monday night. We decided to take a break from each other. At least the serious stuff. We're still gonna talk to each other just about every day but just as friends. No more calling each other babe, no more Samu-chan, no more I love youse..kinda sucks but after he asked if we could do this for a bit it does make a lot of sense.
For the past month the two of us have been so depressed and nearly going at each others throats, giving each other the cold shoulder and all that crap. It was making us go insane so yeah..we knew that if it kept going on like that we'd end up breaking apart for good and its something neither of us wants.
But ever since we came to this agreement, I have felt a bit better. Its a bit of a relief really but still. Neither one of us knows how long we're gonna be on this break. Its just until we get stuff sorted out properly. He said he won't be able to save up enough for a long time, I can't get shit here and things are getting worse at home. Biting each others heads off isn't going to help any so yeah.
After we went to bed I laid there and cried over him for the last time. I'm trying to not get emotional over it, every now and then I get teary eyed but only for a few seconds. Its only been about 24 hours since we agreed to this so hopefully soon I'll get better.
I'm still scared shitless that during this break that he will find someone better and forget about me. I know its a retarded thought but its there and I wish for it to piss off.
He said that if I wanted to, if I ever get lonely that I could find someone to remedy that, said that maybe I can have a girlfriend of some sort. It made me laugh cuz it seems silly. I thought about it and even though I have permission, I won't do it. I just feel icky, thinking about being with someone else.
I hope this break doesn't last for too long. I did talk to my sister in California about moving over there. She said that in about a month or two she will get her place and that I'm more than welcome to stay. So I know if I can't find anything here, which I can't =.=, I'll be able to find something there no problem...cuz really its California, its filled with crap.
And the other thing thats weird when I talked to her, was that she never knew about the $3000 tax. She told me to ignore it, which may be a bad thing, but there's nothing I can do about it. Basically she said this to me, "They towed my car away, I have $800 worth of parking tickets and I haven't paid my taxes in a year. Who gives a shit?" And she's right, I shouldn't worry about it but just get on the fucking ball and earn money so I can be happy again.
I find it hilarious that this ends up happening before our 2 year anniversary. I've never had a relationship last that long. When I was laying in bed the other night thinking about stuff, I kept wondering if its because of me. Its a retarded thought but its there floating around in my head. Sam kept telling me that night that it wasn't my fault and it wasn't me, just our current circumstances which is true but..its still there.
Hmm..I thought sleep would get to me today but nothing has happened. I stayed the night at Adrienne's, we were gonna start walking around that track in the small pathetic park that surrounds the Hope Mills fire department and police department. Its really small compared to a lot of parks but its there and there's a track which means weight goes away.
We first went to Target to waste the gift certificate I got from grandpa for my birthday..wanted to buy a game but the one I want is still damn $29.99 =.= So I bought the Aqua Teen Hunger Force movie. I don't regret it. Its beyond crack. It was definitely something I needed. I needed to laugh like a idiot, makes me feel better. We left for Wal-Mart and I actually bumped into a old friend from my high school days..it was weird..verily weird. I was actually bothered by it. Ever since I graduated, people from there ignored me and never even tried to contact me o__o so why should I all of a sudden give a shit?
Ehh..people make my head hurt.
We came back here and had dinner and watched Hot Fuzz..fucking brilliant. I love silly movies. And pretty much all night I've been in the living room watching movies and doing this omfgwtf event on gaiaonline.
I suppose I should go and concentrate on the event..nothing really much else left to do. I hope things gets better. I hope Sam is doing alright, I'm still worried about him cuz he has another chest infection. I just hope one day everything will be better again.
And like what he said to me, I still have good memories of us, things may be messed up and falling apart but its you that I want in the end.
8:44 a.m. - Wednesday, August 29, 2007
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My Necrotic Regulus Lives Once More....
Happy Breaking From The Womb Day To Meh
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Free Hit Counters
|
other diaries: a-z-a |