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Beginning of Hell
well i suppose this is where i start my constant ramblings...i really only did start this diary for one..well actually two purposes.
1)to start writing again for once and to stop being lazy..i need
to get back into it again, i am trying to make a living by
writing mindless mumbo jumbo
2)i get bored really easily so i need something to do
well now thats covered i suppose i should now tell you all about me. i am 19 and out of high school (thank chibi-satan for getting me through that hell hole). i live with my boyfriend Brian and his chaotic family, which from time to time they do get on my nerves but hey i'm obviously gonna marry him so i have to get used to them >_<. i guess this place is better than home. when i was living with mother-dear we got into of alot of shit but thankly i met Brian and a few months later i moved in. but for some reason cuz of me moving out, things between me and mom have actually gotten alot better and i actually feel bad for the shit i put her through. its funny how two people with barely anything in common can love each other so much it drives them both insane. when i met Brian he said he just moved from California, a raver with the big pretty pants and the love for techno, martial arts, and glow sticks...(he's obsessed with the green ones O_O)...and then theres me: poor little one fourth asian chick born and stuck in Hicksville USA, surrounded by assholes who scream yeehaw out the back of a pick up truck.....eeewwwwww....i suppose i am goth..thats how everyone labels me so i guess, go with the flow? so i wear black all the time, i like the fashion and definitely the music but does that make me one...oh well who cares...i don't feel like getting into THAT shit at the moment. Brian, who used to go to raves all the time, knows how to dance, while me, the only kinda dance i do is in a mosh pit (funtime!)so how the hell did we meet i dont know..how did we fall in love......no fucking clue but he keeps me happy even though there is our every now and then fights which makes me want to hurt him and everything around me..heh..no i'm not a angry little girl just upset. upset that i'm still stuck in this shit hole with no life.
can't get a job cuz everything is too far away and not good enough. -_- blargh....well nothing else really much about my life. i wake up at dusk and clean and cook and after all the little suzy homemaker shit is over with i go outside to the nearest woods and just lay there in the cold sand and listen to music..its actually quite comforting but i haven't done that in a long time..i miss being able to go out at night, doing whatever i please. it was more funner with all of my friends but..they are now all gone, and left me alone so walking outside at night really isn't appeasing anymore. at least i have one friend left (she know who she is ^_^). it is sad..one friend left in the whole world but what can you do? absolutely fucking nothing. and knowing that we, me and brian and his family, will be moving soon. i think to either pennsylvania or arizona. once again, no idea. i do know that i will feel bad when i leave cuz then Cat. will be all alone...well she has Brandon and her kitties but still, this is the second week of talking to her in like 4 months or so. at least she finally got a computer so we talk online too so it won't be so bad i suppose but still. thinking of moving just makes me miserable, but at the same time i can't wait to move out of this fucking trailer trash neighborhood and into an actual house, where me and Brian don't have to be bothered...*wink-wink, nudge-nudge, say no more* maybe life will be better for where ever we're going, or maybe worse. alls i can say, if Brian's mom's boyfriend acts like this in the other house, i'm probably going to kill him and make it look like suicide...or just lock myself in the basement and turn up that beautiful music and ignore the world...yeah life is just peachy keen alright.......
10:46 p.m. - Sunday, December 12, 2004
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My Necrotic Regulus Lives Once More....
Happy Breaking From The Womb Day To Meh
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