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Consequences....
listening to: Inu Yasha music is actually depressing me wtf
drinking: soda
watching: nada
those fucking feelings of wanting to throw up is back again...i got a email from Brian last night..says he wants to talk. that was it, no i love you or signature of name..and we all know what that usually means...
::heavy sigh::
i have no idea what the fuck is going to happen..in a way i'm relieved that this probably means that this is the end but something else is making me so fucking terrified and scared to be alone again. i really really don't wanna be alone..fuck i cried myself to sleep again last night wishing that i was cuddling up next to someone warm instead of being cold..i miss that so much i really fucking do. i miss waking up with nightmares and having someone to hold and cuddle with to make the bad things go away...heh Brian hated it when i did that..for once i wish i could find someone who didn't mind it..i severely doubt this....it just seems like everyone hates me...
fuck..i wanna get heavly smashed, walk into the woods, dig me a hole, crawl inside and shoot myself..sounds like a fucking plan to me. nobody gives a flying fuck about me anymore so what should it fucking matter..
oy vey..i'm so sick of not being able to control my emotions..i wish i never had any..then maybe it wouldn't be so hard..i would never have to fall in love and be hurt ever again..
i just wish breaking up with him would be so much more easier..i hate this bond that we share..its the only thing thats holding me back..cuz i know i will never find anyone like me, never will i be able to...for all i know..there is nobody else...
::sigh::...something else thats just been stuck in my head lately as well...
He seemed dressed in all of meStretched across my shame
All the torment and the pain
Leaked through and covered me
I'd do anything to have him to myself
Just to have him for myself
Now I don't know what to do
I don't know what to do
When he makes me sad
He is everything to me
The unrequited dream
A song that no one sings
The unattainable
He's a myth that I have to believe in
All I need to make it real is one more reason
I don't know what to do
I don't know what to do
When he makes me sad
But I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me
A catch in my throat
Choke
Torn into pieces
I won't
no
I don't wanna be this...
But I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me
He isn't real
I can't make him real
He isn't real
I can't make him real
--Vermillion Pt. 2, SlipKnoT
...yes i'm very well aware that the gender has been changed in the song..so what..fuck i'm so alone...
5:14 p.m. - Monday, September, 19, 2005
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My Necrotic Regulus Lives Once More....
Happy Breaking From The Womb Day To Meh
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