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Mind Fuck Indeed
listening to: Bloody Kisses, Type O Negative
drinking: Nada
watching: Another one of mom's silly movies
thinking: Why are dreams giving me such a mind fuck?
Well goddamn..people say that global warming is bullshit. Then how the happy hell did it get 107 the other day!?
I've been wanting to yell that at somebody's face all week =.= The weather here is so miserable. Humidity kills like a rabid whore. I can barely sleep cuz of it. I don't like being woken up in the middle of the day covered in sweat. But luckily today it will be 95, the lowest its been all week =__=
But yeah..other things in life besides the sun trying to kill me...
Mom finally got a message back from the Angel Pin people. They said they never received a pin from her but they'll send another one for her to do. Mom asked for the $300 back just in case they're bullshitting. I dunnoes if I can trust them but its what mom wants to do >.>
I got a email from my dad too about a week ago. Still no reply back of course. I think he's still all blarg cuz I haven't changed my mind about moving to New Zealand. I don't know why the majority of my family think that moving to another country is bad. They all say that America is the best there will ever be. Okay thats your opinion. The only good thing about this place to me, is that I have my mom, my sisters and a good friend. Thats it. My friend is leaving to another town to be with her chan, my sisters are in California and Alaska, and my mom..
Well honestly I really don't like the idea of her being alone. Katrina said that once Ryan gets back they're gonna stay in Alaska for a bit longer and then move back here to Fort Bragg. I'm kinda hoping Katrina would be able to take care of mom. Cuz she really can't move all that great. I fear for her indeed, and her ulcers are getting worse.
Not much news with my sisters this time. Katrina is dealing with the army housewives that talk constantly of their kids and Kyrsten is looking for a new one bedroom apartment, trying to get $2000 for that. She works in a Virgin Records store now and she talked to Drew Barrymore the other day. And before that it was Janeane Garofalo, and before that was Dave Chappelle. Lucky bitch lol xD I'm glad she has a good life over there. Of all the shit that the four of us have been through since dad left, she deserves it.
This morning I've been listening to Type O Negative's Bloody Kisses constantly. I don't know why but it just seems fitting with how I felt when I woke up yesterday evening. The dreams I had yesterday were very awkward indeed. The first one made me laugh.
I got Maple Story to work on my computer and I was so happy to finally play cuz its been four months since I last had. But then some people kicked me off and said I had to go to church. I got dragged to some old wooden mansion which was also some creepy church. People were all outside meeting and talking..I was pissed off cuz I didn't want to be there, being who I am, I always avoid going to those places. I was mostly pissed off cuz the people who dragged me hated church and yet they were so happy to be there and the chick I was with let her kid brother stay for Sunday school. I walked inside and there was a welcoming booth set up inside, I asked the guy where the bathrooms were at. I had an idea that if I stayed inside there and waited for everyone to go to the main worshiping room, I could make a run for it. The guy looked at my awkwardly and said "Hmm thats a good question." So I just kinda..shifted aside and walked around looking for it on my own. Up and down different hallways I went and I kept finding all these happy How To Be Christian type books laying on random tables and shelves. I finally found one bathroom but it was so disgusting. So I just kinda hanged next to the door and looked at one of books, it was one of those generic Christian books aimed for kids and some lady thought I was interested in it and for some reason I asked her if she had a good bible of some sort I could take with me. She smiled and ran off and said she had the perfect one. I of course was just gonna keep it to burn later on once I got out. But after looking at all the people and glancing back at the bathroom I yelled "Fuck it!" and ran off out of the building.
I woke up after that and I started laughing and I rolled over and went back to sleep. This is the dream that won't leave my fucking thoughts..
I lived in some uptight village and I had to go out to this lake in the woods to help gather some of the grass at the bottom of the lake for us to eat. We were forbidden to eat any kind of meat, and I was new to the village and I didn't like their silly no meat rule. Standing in the middle of the lake I took out this little gun, instead of bullets there was a rather large needle with a string attached to it inside. I pointed up towards this big hill and I fired the gun. I grabbed the string and started to pull whatever I hit with the needle towards me which turned out to be a fluffy white rabbit. The needle had struck him from the top of his head and the tip of the needle was showing out of the bottom of his jaw. It kept making small whimpering noises, but I was happy and laughing at my catch and announced that I'll be having a better dinner than anyone else. I slung the rabbit over my shoulder and walked back to my house in the village. I'm not sure what happened after that..everything pretty much got all dark but I remember trying to find someone to skin the rabbit for me and when I found a guy to do it, the white rabbit turned into my Corey. Yes my dead kitty Corey. I started screaming my fucking head off. I ran off to get some lady to help me but noone would come, so I laid on my bed cradling him and crying my eyes out. Corey had the damned needle sticking in his head so I decided to take it out and get him to some doctor. He was making the same sick whimpering noises like the rabbit did and once I got the needle out, all this blood came gushing out. I started to scream again and tried pressing the blankets against his wounds so no more blood would come out. That pretty much failed, so there I was crying and crying my eyes out watching blood pour out of my Corey, blood all over me and him, soaking the bed which of course was all white for some reason. I kept telling him I was sorry and he gave me that weird grin of his that basically said 'Its not your fault'
I woke up feeling completely numb. I don't like that fucking dream at all. Its been on my mind all night and all morning.
But there's really nothing much I can do but forget about it. Corey is dead and has been for almost a year.
My stomach hurts.
I suppose I shall be off and do something productive until I collapse. I'm thinking of going through mom's movie collection and mark on the list what movies have commentaries. She's been complaining that she needs a good one to fall asleep to and she can't get up to check..so yes. Off I go, but first...
Not long ago but far away
A rainy winter's day
All her pain she kept inside
Could no longer hide
No cry for help
She killed herself
Both life and love could not be saved
She took them both to the grave
A pair of souls become undone
Where were two now one
Divided by this wall of death
I soon will join you yet
With my blood I'll find your love
You found the strength to end your life
Yes you did
So shall I
Oh no
Please don't go
It's like a death in the family
A crimson pool so warm and deep
Lulls me to an endless sleep
Your hand in mine - I will be brave
Take me from this earth
An endless night - this, the end of life
From the dark I feel your lips
And I taste your bloody kiss
Oh no
Please don't go
It's like a death in the family
Don't die on me
Don't die on me
Don't die on me
Don't die
--Bloody Kisses, Type O Negative
I love the piano. Also before I forget, I can sing in Swedish now. Blame Finntroll for that.
My mind hurts. Ja.
11:11 a.m. - Sunday, August 12, 2007
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My Necrotic Regulus Lives Once More....
Happy Breaking From The Womb Day To Meh
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