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Stuff From Last Night And Other Retarded Ramblings Of A Depressed Lady
listening to: Darkseed
drinking: nada
watching: first season of Lost In Space but not paying attention
well yesterday was a bit fun, at least for awhile it was.
Adrienne picked me up and off we went rocking out to DDR moozak x____X, picked up her check and we went to Best Buy cuz i had forgotten to ask my sister how much speakers cost, my poor P.O.S. computer doesn't have any speakers >_< i really can't wait till i start my job so i can start buying myself important things!!!!
my sister wasn't working and we actually could not find any damn speakers there..it was amazingly fucked up..until we were about to leave and we found some for about $30 or so..
we went to the Walmart on Skibo Rd. and had her check cashed and then ran away inside the mall. things were going ok but both of us became heavly depressed. even staring at the beautiful new spiked wristbands they had there didn't cheer me up as much as i wished for it too..i would of bought one of the wristbands and a shirt that i thought was insanely fucking cute...:
"I like poetry, walks on the beach and poking dead things with a stick"
omfg that is so true
but i just said meh forget it, i'll get it when i'm in a better mood. instead we went to Waldenbooks and i bought me Vampire Hunter D volume 2..it did cheer me up a bit but yeah..emotions and thoughts got the best of me and i think at one point i was gonna run to one of the corners in the store and cry..fuck i wanted to so much..
after that we left cuz the place was getting ready to close down..also nobody didn't really say anything about my pretty baphomet shirt..not that i know of besides of this one guy that pointed at me and said bullshit >_>;;;; whatever fuck off sir
Adrienne bought her car new accesories, two bumper stickers:
"Stop Seeing At My Boobs!!" (she bought me a pin that says that as well XD)
"I <3 Hentai"
hehehhehe
as we left instead of always going to Barnes and Nobles we ventured to go visit Krystal. she went to the Misfits concert and she wouldn't stop talking about all the hot sweaty goth guys there...i felt very sad inside T____T she also got her tongue pierced lol even though its crooked its still sexy XD
we left and decided to go to the Walmart down by the area of Fayetteville where i grew up at..and the whole time there we blared SlipKnoT..omfg it was so awesome..i don't know..i had alot of tension inside of me and when Duality started playing i just started headbanging like hell, screaming the lyrics out..Adrienne turned the volume all the way up..it felt good goddammit!!! i'm sure i got alot of retarded looks from people but like why should i give a fuck >_>;;
we got there and actually found some really cool Halloween stuff..black lipstick, black fingernail polish and lipgloss was actually cheaper than the ones from Hottopic, made me giggle. we both got some lipgloss just for the hell of it..thats one thing i'm happy about being not with Brian..i'm allowed to wear black makeup again ^__^ in fact yesterday was the first day ever since at least high school i wore black eyeliner...i felt so pretty!!! ^______^
since i stayed up all night and day yesterday cleaning Adrienne was allowed inside and we just sat in my room for awhile being blah. i showed her all the posters i have..then remembered i had no proper tape to put it up so i was like meh..i'll do it later i guess. mom came home and bought pizza so we made that..i actually showed her my pin..she laughed but then noticed that i had a baphomet shirt...i forgot about it and she stared at it..i thought she was about to kill me =___= but instead she shook her head and laughed..said that it wasn't a good idea to wear that in public since we live in the bible belt >_> made me giggle..
for the remainder of the night we sat in my room, i showed her my desktop on my P.O.S. comp and she freaked out..hee i love my Master Shake broodwich pic, it is teh awesome bitches!!!
we also started telling each other about why our icky depressive thoughts and feelings..i feel really bad for her. i really do..and she even asked for advice on what to do..i told her the most gayest thing ever..and i feel like shit saying it.."well if it were me i would ignore all temptation and stay with the b/f"
it was the only thing i could really come up with and i know its shitty to say something like that..fuck i'm a idiot >____<
we got really bored and sad inside, we started taking all the matchbooks i had and burned every single fucking match..burned myself a few times >_<
i told her about my problems as well..being single is fun and stuff..i get to do whatever i fucking want but at the same time i'm being torn apart..i don't like it but its something i have to face..i pray every day and every night that something good will happen. i really really fucking hope it happens....i'm not gonna get too much into it..just thinking about it makes me sad inside...
we finally started getting semi happy and then became insanely cracked out..we took so many retarded pictures of ourselves..oy..in one pic i look like a drunken cracked out lady x______________X i'm debating on which pics to put on okcupid lmao
i told her the most perfect way that i would wish to fall in love with someone..the whole, sitting in a field or somewhere pretty watching the sunset, stars and moonrise with someone that i deeply care about, then he would take his guitar and play the Ramones "I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend"
..then i got bored and played the cd and listened to the song dreaming about it......fuck....i want some alcohol...
i think it was finally around five or so in the morning Adrienne passed out, i was layed out on my futon staring out the window, mainly at the moon upside down...thinking, dreaming, wishing, praying....and i finally too fell asleep..i woke up sometime before the sun came up..confused why i had my dagger in my hand but didn't really care, rolled over, fell back to sleep and was hugging the happy dagger >___>;;;;;
we both finally woke up around nine today..i woke up feeling so fucking nasty..my chest was all sweaty and icky >___< Adrienne left and i got bored and new i couldn't fall back to sleep so here i am on here rambling on like a baka..
i think Thursday when Adrienne's off i'm gonna get the rest of my crap back. i wanna do it when his brothers are at school so at least i won't feel so bleh..
::sigh:: fuck i hope the next guy i go out with isn't like that..lol Adrienne asked me last night if Brian had always acted like that..she always thought it was because i was hanging out with her..Brian has always acted overprotective of me..never wanting me to go out with friends..and i actually told her the time when he had physically hurt me..it wasn't so bad, he just pushed me really hard on the couch yelling at me to mind my own business..fuck all i wanted to know what was wrong with him...
This lonely isolation
Follows me throught my dreams
I wander around with doubt
So cold and incomplete
There is nothing
here for comfort
The spark of hope i see
I breathe deep and fill my lungs
to silently release
An echo
(An echo)
An echo
This is more than a dream to me
I breathe deep and drown my lungs
and release silently
I gasp for breath to only hear
What's inside me
An echo
(An echo)
An echo
(An echo)
An echo
(An echo)
An echo
(An echo)
More than a dream to me
(Than a dream)
More than a dream to me
(More than a dream)
More than a dream to me
(More than a dream)
An echo of
(An echo of)
my scream
I gasp for breath to only hear
I gasp for breath to only hear
I gasp for breath to only hear
I gasp for breath to only hear
I gasp for breath
An echo
(An echo)
An echo
(An echo)
An echo
(An echo)
An echo
(An echo)
More than a dream to me
(More than a dream)
More than a dream to me
(More than a dream)
More than a dream to me
(More than a dream)
An echo of
(An echo of)
My scream
An echo of my scream
(An echo of my scream)
An echo of my scream
(An echo of my scream)
An echo of my scream
(An echo of my scream)
More than a dream
(More than a dream)
to me
--Fear Factory, Echo Of My Scream
::sigh:: i really fucking hope that my prayers..my dreams that i'm starting to have, become true..it would make me so fucking happy...fuck it..i'm going back and lock myself in my room for several hours..meh..at least the dreams will keep me company...
11:33 a.m. - Tuesday, September 27, 2005
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My Necrotic Regulus Lives Once More....
Happy Breaking From The Womb Day To Meh
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